Family Law

Things to Think About in a Divorce

A divorce, especially when children are involved, is a reorganization of the family -- not a disintegration of the family.

Divorce has its own emotional lifespan, just as grief does, and each person moves through the stages at their own pace. Divorce doesn't always begin when the petition is filed, and doesn't always end when a decree is issued. Partners may not be in the same phase at the same time; which is important to remember when a spouse's behavior seems out of context or irrational.

Anger is a secondary emotion, often used in place of a more primary or vulnerable emotion such as fear, anxiety, or helplessness.  Often when a spouse appears angry or threatening, it is a response to their fear or discomfort in a situation.

Beware of including others in the divorce process. Although in times of stress or emotional discomfort you may feel inclined to include your social network for support, this can often create heightened emotion in all parties involved.  This can lead to a divorce seeming to occur between entire social networks, and not just the two people separating.

For More Information

"Psychology of Divorce," Donald Saposnek PhD, and Chip Rose, JD, March, 2004

We Recommend

Spare the Child -- Parenting During Family Dissolution (Video, 19 minutes) -- Giving parents a compass for navigating family dissolution, Spare the Child guides parents and families through the difficult and often overwhelming task of restructuring a family. The documentary-style, conversational video uses everyday language and gives examples from experienced interviewees. Judges, lawyers, guardians at litem, counselors, teachers, and children of divorce relate their experiences and observations to guide  families who are currently in the process of family restructuring.  (©2010 Virginia State Bar)